The Doctor

I went to the doctor today.
I waited
In the lounge 
A billion other people
For hours and hours 
Time dragging on and on
Stretching over an abyss
Staring down into the abyss
Coughs and sneezes echoing throughout
Swallowing every drop of time that plummets over the edge
Getting up and sitting down again
Filling styrofoam cups with cold water
Lifting my breathing mask up
And down
Over and over
Every time I drink before finally
Getting called into the back
Stepping cautiously over a thin wire
Eyes darting between the other side
Which stretches further away
The doctor’s promise to bring me there
As the wire stretches faster
Thinner
Like putty as the edges of the abyss pull it apart
So that it falls deeper into the blackness under its own weight.
I went to the doctor today.
The medicine I was prescribed
Last month had no effect
Instead opting to leave me sicker
And more miserable
Coughing my lungs out every five minutes
As soon as I remember I’m supposed to be sick
Constantly too tired to get up
For my classes
Missing entire days of school
Laying in bed
Questioning my health
My mental capacity
Being too tired
To go to the doctor
Losing my foothold on the wire
As it sinks further
That doctor’s promise wearing thinner and thinner
This wire just stretching, stretching
Putty
The doctor

I went to the doctor today.
The doctor.
The doctor.
The doctor.
Every month without fail.
How are you?
Never better.
The doctor.
The doctor.
I'm so tired. 
I don't want to go.
Can't get out of bed.
Crying, exhausted, angry.
Helpless.
The doctor.
Tears running down my face.
Wet.
Hot.
Can't hold them back.
Just like I can't hold back the coughs.
The coughs are arms stretching up out of the abyss
Pulling me deeper in.
The doctor.
The doctor.
Today.
Tomorrow.
Not Tuesday.
Wednesday.
Classes go too late on Tuesday.
Not Thursday.
Not Friday.
Classes go too late on Thursday.
I’m too tired on Friday.
Today. Tomorrow.
Not Tuesday.
The doctor.
Why do I have to keep going back to the doctor?
I’m too tired.

Time heals no wounds.

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