Healthy Misery

I spend so much time running away

All of my energy

What little I have

Invested in escaping it


The despair

The depression

The exhaustion


I don’t want to be with it.

I want to leave it behind

An abusive ex

A neglectful parent

Never to be seen again.


But maybe all that running exhausts me more

Seeking arms to lie in

Fingers to brush away the sadness


I convince myself that the tingles of pleasure

Will melt away the sadness

But it always creeps back in

Long enough for the pleasure

To become exhausting, too.


Maybe it doesn’t hate me.

Maybe it’s scared, too.

Maybe it needs me.

Maybe tonight

I just need

To exist in healthy misery.


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